Already Broken down News.

Hey this is something I am trying for the first time. Here I will be breaking down news of last one or two weeks and analyzing them ( of course trying to make light of the situation).

1. Ink thrown on Sudheendra Kulkarni

Well are you wondering what I am wondering? That WHO USES A FOUNTAIN PEN? Like where did Shiv Sena( the political party that stands accused over coordinating this heinous act) get so much ink that they could drench Mr. Kulkarni in ink? 

Here's what happened Kulkarni, one of the organisers for former Pakistan foreign minister Kauri's book "Neither a Hawk nor a Dove: An Insider's Account of Pakistan's Foreign policy"launch in Mumbai was attacked outside his residence and his face was smeared with black ink. Shiv Sena's excuse was that the ink thrown wasn't ink but Indian soldiers blood who had given up their lives on the border.My question is of the six Shiv Sena activists against whom a case has been charged how many were ex-servicemen? 

I agree that Pakistan has violated ceasefire on numerous occasions in the past two years and peace talks between India and Pakistan have broken down so many times that even Varun Aaron appears more fit than India-Pak relations, but this was no good way to protest. Come on Shiv Sena help us show Pakistanis that we are better than them.

2.Bihar Elections are on

Bihar elections have started and more alliances and coalitions have been formed in the last two months than number of marriages Saif Ali Khan, Sanjay Dutt and Indrani Mukherjee have had together. It's BJP vs JD+RJD+Congress, i.e BJP vs Janata Dal and Rashritya Janata Dal and Congress. More abuses have been hurled from one side to another than entire 12 seasons of MTV Roadies. Let's wait and see who emerges as the winner.

3.Big Billion Day ends

And all the Flipkart,Amazon and Snapdeal apps were uninstalled from billions of phones as well. And what hurts more than your neighbor getting a 32-inch flatscreen for 20,000 while yours cost 50,000. It's the only time of the year that we brag about the prices and the one with the cheapest thing wins.

4.France win the European Men's volleyball championship

And no one gives a fuck, cause honestly unless it's 4 bikini clad women playing beach volleyball or a bunch of people playing a something which is a hybrid of golf and hockey( cricket I mean) we don't care. And yeah Zaheer Khan and VirenderShewag retire. *sobs* 

What Happens in a Lift Stays in a lift.

Hi I am Pratyutpanna K. Rout and those of you don't know me I am 6.3 feet tall. Yeah you can go ahead and crack your lame jokes about how I probably had an over dose of Complan or how I won't be able to kiss my girlfriend. But one thing I will be better at than you guys is climbing stairs and several other things but I won't talk about them.

When I say I am good at using stairs I mean I can climb two-three when you struggle to do that. That's one of the reasons I prefer stairs to lifts. But there are other reasons why I hate lifts. Remember the last time you used a lift at a mall? And regretted the decision of getting into the lift instead of taking the stairs. Probably because it was too crowded. I will tell you several more reasons why you regretted that decision.

So your decision culminates in to action with you being lazy and probably wanting to save time by using the lift. So you walk up to the lift and press the button. And you just don't press the button once, you keep pressing it after time intervals till the door opens. Like pressing it multiple times won't help it come up quickly. It's like Dhoni giving Rohit Sharma chances thinking he will become a legend. That shit won't happen. Now the door opens and you get in with a few other people waiting with you, and someone thinking that he probably has an IQ higher than Albert Einstein decides to press the switch that closes the door. But there is another guy waiting for an opportunity to go to Khatron ke Khiladi decides to show his agility and stops the door from closing by putting his body on the line. So all set and done  the lift has like 30 people and is carrying 20 people more than it should. You are behind wondering how did all of your life lead up to this moment. Lift moves up like a certain Rahul Dravid playing a test innings. And you suddenly notice the mole behind the person's head who is standing in front of you. Though you find it utterly disgusting you still keep staring at it cause seriously you have nothing better to do. What's worse is suddenly a strong scent hits you. It's a mixture of 19%Axe deodrant with 40% of cheap Cologne, 30% of sweat and body odour and 11% Kamla Pasand Pan masala. And to make it all worse every one else has to get out at floors before yours. And you are stuck in that hell of a place.

So next time remember this " Chain se upar jana hai toh seedhi chadhia". Or as some great person has said  " Mitroon fucking use the stairs even when it's not an emergency."