RANT OF LONG PANTS: CELEBRITIES AND NEWSHOUR

Priyanka Chopra: main tatti karne jaa rahi hoon

Buzzfeed/Storypick/ScoopWhoop: You won’t believe what an badass PC is.

This is most social media websites and newspapers these days. Itna kisi celebrity ka bhi gaand chatna acha nahi hota. Basically there are three levels of reading out news:

1.      “Aaj Rakhsa Mantri Pakistan dwara kiye gaye cease fire violation ki kadi ninda karte hue bole ki iska charcha sansad mein hoga” read out in a constant pitch with no variation in decibel levels at low decibel levels

2.       “Dhyaan se dekhiye iss insan ko” read out in a constant pitch with high decibel levels.

3.       “Kyun nikle Arjun Kapoor Sonakshi Sinha ke ghaar se raat ke 4 baje” read with varying pitch and high decibel levels.

Arey mujhe nahi janna yaar ki Arjun Kapoor kya karne gaya tha Sonakshi Sinha ke ghar mein. Ho sakta hai ki uske ghar ki bathroom kharab ho Sonakshi ke ghar mein tatti karne gaya ho. Mujhe kya. Aur Priyanka Chopra ke Miami beach pe bikini pictures dekh ke kya karoonga? Hum Indians ko toh jana Puri beach hi hai aur who bhi jeans  aur shirt pehn ke. Aur wahan jake Rajkumar ke kacche(underwear) mein nahana hai. Aur agar Alia Bhatt aur Sidharth Malhotra relationship mein bhi hain toh main kya karoon? Hum Indians ko toh karna arrange marriage hi karna hai. Unke love story mein humara kya kaam bhai?

Salman Khan gaya Maldives apne family ke saath. Toh main kya karoon? Meri toh mall jane ki aukad nahi hai. Aur jitna goals Messi is season mein nahi mare honge utne toh Bollywood ne mare hain Travel goals, Body goals, Relationship goals, Apartment goals kya karun itne goals ka. Aur ye twitter ka kya chakar hai bhai. Twinkle Khanna ka tweet is not national news. Ye kya atankwad phaila rakha hai? Aur tweet publish karne ka kya fayda jab koi bhi actress photo upload karti hai toh comment toh yahi karna hai:

Thik hai bahut ho gaya. Main tatti karne ja raha hoon.