What's wrong with Item Songs.

I have a real problem with item numbers. Not with how they portray women but what their lyrics actually mean. So I will try and decode some the most iconic item songs’ lyrics and thus prove how fucked up they sound.

1.SHEILA KI JAWANI

Ab dil karta hai huale haule se
Main khud ko gale lagaaun
Kisi aur ki mujhko zaroorat kya
Main to khud se pyaar jataaun
What's my name?
what's my name?
what's my name?
My name is Sheila, Sheila ki Jawani

Lets now analyze what the lyrics actually mean. Here Sheila says that she wants to slowly hug herself which clearly means that she is narcissist. Then she further goes on to say that she doesn’t need anyone else as she will make love to herself. She clearly wants to masturbate and so we realize even the best of us are not able to get laid. Thank you for the motivation. You, Sheila, are an inspiration to thousands of single people out there.

2.CHIKNI CHAMELI

Bichhu mere naina, badi zehereeli aankh maare
Kamsin kamariya saali ik thumke se lakh maare
Note hazaaro'n ke, khulla chhutta karaane aayi
Husn ki teelli se beedi-chillam jalaane aayi

Aaayi ! chikni chameli chhup ke akeli pawwa (quarter) chadha ke aayi 

 From one Katrina item number to another. Here she says that her eyes are like scorpions and that they are poisonous. That could be like the worst pick up line ever. “Yo babe your eyes are so poisonous that even scorpion bites feel like ant bites”. The logic is not allowed to die in peace just yet. It’s further tortured by saying that when she gyrates her “horny” waist thousands die. Like no one dies cause you have poisonous eyes everyone dies cause you have a horny waist. I wouldn’t be surprised if one day Daya walks upto ACP Pradyuman and goes like “Sir lagta hai ye admi hawas(horny) ke thumke se mara hai”. Then she further goes on to sing that she has come for change of 1000 bucks. Was this supposed to make all pharmacists, paan walas, petrol pump service men horny? Cause they are the only one having khulla or change. And she says she has come after drinking a quarter. As far I am concerned some one drunk has obviously written the lyrics.

3.FEVICOL SE

Main to tanduri main to tanduri murgi hoon yaar
Gatkale saiyan alcohol se oh yeah.
Mere photo ko seene se yaar
Chipka le saiyan Fevicol se

From Katrina we move to Kareena. She calls herself as Tandoori chicken and asks Salman to consume her with alcohol. Okay I have two issues:

1.We all remember what happened when Salman Khan consumed alcohol the last time.(Hit and run case in case you don’t keep up with the news)

2.She is promoting cannibalism. 

And lastly she asks Salman to stick her photo on his chest. Imagine the song being pictured on Anil Kapoor instead of Salman Khan. That will be like free waxing for Anil when he decides to remove the photo.

4.BABY DOLL

Yeh duniya, yeh duniya pittal di
Yeh duniya pittal di
Yeh duniya pittal di..
Ho babydoll main sone di.. 

I really don’t have a problem with the song but I have a serious problem with guys that  go to watch Sunny Leone’s Bollywood movies. Guys please stop going. It’s only when her movies flop she will go back to do what she was best at. PORN. Like she should take a cue from MS Dhoni. Like when Dhoni comes to bowl we get excited but he doesn’t overstay his welcome. He goes back to doing what he is good at, keeping wickets. Coming back to the song, here she sings that the world is made of Copper. Ma'am please get out of your selfie addiction and turn off that retrica mode. And finally some where JJ Thompson turned 720 degrees in his grave cause this world is made of atoms and not copper. And finally you are not the granddaughter of Kalyan Jewelers. So no you are not made of Gold.